With that being said,  you’ve never walked a course in your life…much less had somebody else walk with you while carrying that anvil you call a golf bag.  So first things first…let’s get rid of all that “necessary” stuff in your bag. You’re not gonna need two dozen golf balls (well,  ya might, but your caddie ain’t gonna carry them), and they serve food at the course, so that fully ripened  banana  from last spring can finally be given the proper burial it deserves.
Let’s check that strap too. If that thing resembles the seatbelt in your 88’ Accord, then we have problems. One more thing about the bag…if it doesn’t have a stand, then just leave that catastrophe waiting to happen at home. All caddie courses have “change out” bags for the uninitiated. If you are left with no choice and have to use ol’ trusty to get your clubs to the course, they will promptly be changed out to a bag that is more suitable for human transportation.

So the time has come… that buddy that actually went to class in college has finally asked you to be a guest at his country club. You’re a golfer…but you’re a rider. Look, I get it!  Cruisin’ around, listening to Journey…slammin’ White Claws and hittin’ bombs is the life of a man that has made it. 

Now we are on the range making introductions. You may or may not meet your caddie here. Some courses don’t require the caddies to go to the range, and sometimes caddies are late.  Not because they were up all night thinking about your round. But because he or she was up all night nonetheless and will see you on the first tee. 

So right now you’re probably feeling nervous, and that’s normal.  It’s golf and all of these surroundings are new.  If you need a confidence boost, Kadii has you covered with our Delta 8 tinctures and gummies (shameless plug). You’re a guest and it kinda feels like you don’t belong here, everyone is judging you…blah, blah blah. The only one, truthfully, judging you…is your caddie. If your caddie saw you show up with that Tommy Amour leather staff bag. Then we might be behind the eight ball in the judging department. But have no fear, hit a good tee shot on number one and we are back in the good graces of your walking companion…no pressure! 

Honestly, it doesn’t really matter how good (or bad) you play. What matters is how fast you play and how you treat your caddie.

Rule #1:

Do not throw clubs, but if you must, try and throw them in the direction your  “shot” went, if not, you’re gonna go home with 13 clubs or less.

Rule #2:

Do not lean your dirty clubs on the bag after a shot. Stevie is not your caddie and you’re not Tiger. (If you don’t know who those two people are, then more than likely you’re already lost so pack it in and stop reading). 

Rule #3: 

Do not ever, ever, under any circumstances…use your caddie’s towel!! This is for your safety and the safety of your family.

Rule #4:

  Try and help out the help. Replace your own divot if you flush it and fix your ball mark if you happen to make one. We are caddies (not maids).  Most caddies will be carrying two bags so random acts of kindness go a long way! 

Rule #5:

When you have to clean your ball off on the green. Do NOT roll the ball to your caddie to be wiped off before your putt.  Toss it or hand it to him/her.  He/she has been bending over and chasing that white thing all day so let him/her take a breather!  Rule #6:  Play more & talk less. You can hit…then walk and talk. The story about when you *almost* got a hole-in-one can be told while you’re searching for your ball (not on the tee box while everyone is waiting for you to hit.).Your caddie is out there for a good time, not a long time and believe me, he or she wants you to get the ball in the hole as fast as possible. 

For example; if you’re lying 8 on a par 3 and you start arguing about a putt being a ball or a ball and a half out. Then you are gonna have a long day. Or…if you’re a stud and played golf in high school and start arguing about whether it’s 165 or 169 to the pin. You too are gonna have a long and painful walk. 

You will be talked about later that night at the bar and it’s up to you to decide how those conversations go. Just listen to your caddie and say you agree, even if you don’t.  And then…do whatever you want…which is what you were going to do anyway (and nobody has to know). Then you can say “ I tried!” and you guys will laugh and be friends forever… or at least until it’s time to pay.

Ok, so now it’s time for you to compensate the caddie for all that hard work. All those memories made…all those balls found and kicked out of the wood. Those wet socks from retrieving your ball out of that sneaky lake that popped “out of nowhere” on 14 and those awkward “high fives” that turn into fist bumps or half hugs. Hopefully, you had some idea of what you were going to pay the caddie before arrival…right?!.  If not then WOW! Way to prepare!  And…that’s why you’re a guest and not a member!

Every caddie hates the “huddle and whisper” meeting after the round. It usually means the bare minimum is coming out of the player’s pocket, or even worse a gift card to a fast food joint (so I’ve heard). Don’t be that guy or gal. You didn’t go to that nice club to save money…so don’t disappear when the bill comes. 

Did your caddie call an uber when you shanked it on four? No he or she did not, he or she stuck with you and never left your side. So now it’s your time to shine and peel off  a couple of crispies  for the effort. Trust me you will feel better for it and the caddie won’t have to regift that gift card at Christmas.

Hope all this helps. Just have fun and know that soft seated and sun-bleached cart back at your local muny is waiting for you.


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